I was coming out of the Walmart drive today at lunchtime, where there are 4 lanes of traffic, and there, standing on the little tiny island between the 4 lanes, was a man holding a sign that said "homeless hungry". And as I watched him, he looked so sad. He was so thin with dirty clothes on, and his eyes looked so hopeless. I was immediately struck with the depravity of his situation and started crying. I was in the farthest lane away from him, and traffic was really heavy so I couldn't get over to him- I was trying to think what I'd bought for groceries that I could give him, and the only thing he could really eat quickly and without need preparation or a stove were the 24 hot dog buns I bought, and yes it would fill an aching hole, but how nutritious would it be? So I drove away, and was debating if I should go buy him lunch and take it back to him.
I was having a real internal battle about it; my excuses were "I'm alone, I don't know if he'll try to hurt me if I go back, how do I really know he's homeless", and all I could think was "feed the hungry. What would my Jesus do?" Now I never use that phrase- it is just so cliche so normallyu meaningless to a Jesusless world, but that's what was going through my head. So the battle waged all the way back to my office-3 miles- and I pulled in the parking lot and called my Firefighter, who of course was away from his phones. So I sat there and cried and just couldn't get the homeless man out of my mind. Finally I realized that my lunchbreak was over and I had to go back to my office; Iwas feeling so horrible that I hadn't helped that man. Then my Firefighter called back.
I broke down again on the phone with him and told him what happened, and he said he would go up and take a lunch to him. The Firefighter was at work and had already taken his day's lunch break, but he said that he would go. He went to McDonalds and bought a quarter pounder meal to take up to the man.
I am so thankful for him doing that... and yet I feel like I missed a major opportunity by being too chicken to do it myself. In the past I have ALWAYS thought "get a job, ya bum" when I see people holding those signs- but this time it was completely different. My heart was, still is, broken for that man. He looked so lost. I think it's going to take me a long time to get over this- and I kind of hope I don't. My mind is wondering "where will this take me?", this initial broken heartedness for those so less fortunate than I. I had just bought $60 worth of groceries- and he had nothing.
So that's my story today. It's like his face has been burned onto my mind. I want to go running back to him and say "come with me! I'll clean you up and get you warm and full, then tell you about Jesus's constantly fulfilling love". I want to show him what true love is, and how he can never say he's truly hungry again. I want to be Jesus's hands to this man.
I missed out.
